There are so many things that I wish my husband knew both about me and what I want from him. I think it would clear up so much of the confusion in the current state of our marriage. However, we have a communication problem; that is, he doesn’t communicate. He is a strong, proud man with a heart of gold, but lacks the ability to tell anybody, much less me, what he is feeling or thinking. It has been a huge issue in our marriage and one that seems to me, very simple to remedy. Therefore, I wanted to make a list of things that I wish my husband knew so that he can use this list for future reference.
1. When you shut down and distance yourself from me, it rocks me to my very core. It tells me that you have no faith in me. It shows me you are not attracted to me. It makes me feel like I can’t do anything right. It inhibits me from wanting to try at all. It allows my mind to wander into the land of “what ifs”.
2. Defend me. Plain and simple. I might be acting like a bonehead on any given night, but I’m YOUR bonehead. Make sure that you make that known to anyone that we are with. This includes our boys, don’t let them lash out at me, or hit me. Let them know that I am your WIFE and that you will not tolerate nor allow anybody, not even them, to treat me any less.
3. Hold my hand. My hand was meant to fit into yours. When you reach for my hand, you are telling the world I am yours. It makes me feel close to you in a crowd of people. It allows me to feel like you are guiding me in our journey together.
4. Passive aggressive behavior has got to go. I don’t know anybody who truly loves confrontation, but confrontation is healthy when done in a positive way. When we learn to fight fair, it teaches us how to resolve the conflict and move forward towards a common goal. When you ignore me or choose not to listen to me, it makes me feel alone.
5. Do not treat me the way you want to be treated. I love you. I want to be with you. I, however, do NOT want you to treat me the way you want to be treated because I’m a girl. I like shiny things. I like flowers. I like love notes and kind words. From what I can tell, you like work, saving money, not spending money. Of all the things you could give me, a love letter is at the top of my list and doesn’t cost a thing.
6. Praise me. At least once a day. Make it random, for example, one day it could be about my butt in a pair of pants, another day, it could be about the meal I prepared for you. It could be as simple as thanking me for saving us money on our long distance plan, but I need to hear words that show me that I matter to you.
7. Talk to me. Please don’t ignore me anymore. Talk to me about your day, ask me about mine. Take the time to genuinely show an interest in the day to day routine that I have, I will promise to do the same for you. I actually love hearing the sound of your voice. I love your humor and wit. I love how nobody can make me laugh the way you can.
8. Call me at least once a day. If this isn’t possible, then maybe a text. Just something to let me know that you are thinking about me. When I get a text or call from you, it changes a good day into a great day. It makes me know that for a fleeting moment in your ultra busy day, you thought about me at that moment and cared enough to send me a message.
9. Wear your wedding ring. Now, I know that you cannot wear your wedding ring while you are work, I get it, but when we are going out, it would mean the world to me if you wore it. I hate asking you again and again. I feel like such a nag even mentioning it, but when you wear your wedding ring, not only is it a symbol of our love, it is a symbol to me that you remembered. Not only that you remembered, but that you remembered to wear it FOR me because it means that much to me. I wear my wedding ring with pride each and every day, I wish you could too, even it’s only for a couple of hours.
10. Put me first. This includes our kids, your parents, your friends. I need to know that I am your number one. You sure are mine. When we are having a conversation and one of the kids interrupts, make THEM wait. Let them know that I have YOUR attention. It teaches them that I am your priority at that moment. I will do the same for you.
I have loved my husband since before we actually met. I saw his picture and thought he was gorgeous. Once I met him a couple of months later, I fell in love with his quiet strength and gentle heart. I feel so lucky to be his wife and hope that I have the opportunity to remind him every day. I feel blessed that he chose me to be the mother of his children, because we make some damn good looking kids. But most of all, I am hopeful that one day, when all the dust settles from this separation, we come out stronger and more united than ever before because my life without him wouldn’t be much of a life at all.
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