Acceptance

I had lunch with my aunt the other day, and my aunt is a wise, insightful woman.  She gave me a bit of advice that is still ringing in my ears.  She told me that the greatest gift she had ever given herself was the ability to accept her husband for everything that he was and everything that he wasn't.  She said it was the most freeing thing to do for the both of them.  I've been thinking about this now since she mentioned this thought to me.  I just don't know if I can do it.

She said that accepting him for him, exactly the way that he is, allowed her to be free which in turn gave him the freedom to no longer be expected to be something he wasn't. 

Maybe my husband IS giving me ALL that he is capable of giving to another human being.  I would like to think that he could do better, but maybe this is all there is.  Which in turn, makes me feel like a colossal bitch for expecting and wanting more.  I guess I just believe that if you truly love somebody and they have told you and shown you HOW to love them, and then you don't, then it's a CHOICE that they make.  I feel like he is choosing to not think about me, or say nice things to me.  It is torture to love somebody who chooses not to love you the way you need. 

I can honestly say, that I want to spend the rest of my life with my husband.  I can't imagine my life without him.  I can't imagine not raising our boys together.  I feel like I have to choose between the love that I need and the love that I have.  Is it so wrong to want both?

I will work on my acceptance of him.  I will commit to not expecting anything from him and then maybe, just maybe he will do it on his own accord. I will promise myself and him that I will just be free.