Day One

Today is the first official day of my separation from my husband of 10 and a half years. I got on the plane with my 2 boys and dog and headed back to Houston,Texas. My kids have no idea it's a trial separation, they just think mommy really wanted them to learn Spanish so we moved to take lessons. I didn't have the heart to tell them that mommy feels like daddy doesn't love her anymore. So I hear I am, in my childhood home, in my old room that was most recently occupied by my little sister, with all her things, laying in bed thinking, "what have I done?" I feel so empty, like a failure. Why didn't he beg me to stay? Why didn't he hold me and tell me he loved me. How did this happen? Why couldn't I have loved us enough for the both of us. My greatest fear is what I am living now. Careful what you wish for.