Day 2

Today was a better day. Today I kept busy with my boys and nephews. Today I texted my husband in the morning to wish him a good day at work, and waited for a response that never came. Today I tried not thinking about my situation every minute of the day. I tried thinking of all the friends and family I have been missing since living 4500 miles away. Today I managed to smile for half the time and only cried when talking to a friend about leaving him at the airport. As I sit here, the tears come again because of the unknown.
The unknown and the uncertainty is what scares me the most. I hate all of the cliches: don't know what you have till its gone; absence makes the heart grow fonder; if you love something, let it go; blah blah blah. I just want to know what is going to happen with my marriage. Will we or won't we? I wish I knew.

Day One

Today is the first official day of my separation from my husband of 10 and a half years. I got on the plane with my 2 boys and dog and headed back to Houston,Texas. My kids have no idea it's a trial separation, they just think mommy really wanted them to learn Spanish so we moved to take lessons. I didn't have the heart to tell them that mommy feels like daddy doesn't love her anymore. So I hear I am, in my childhood home, in my old room that was most recently occupied by my little sister, with all her things, laying in bed thinking, "what have I done?" I feel so empty, like a failure. Why didn't he beg me to stay? Why didn't he hold me and tell me he loved me. How did this happen? Why couldn't I have loved us enough for the both of us. My greatest fear is what I am living now. Careful what you wish for.